Wedding Planning

I feel like I have failed. This school year was really hard. I tend to shut down when I am stressed and that has been my MO this year. A lot of my students failed and it is hard not to blame myself. Also, my uncle passed away unexpectedly and I haven't even really dealt with it yet. I can't believe he is gone. We were just starting to get to know him again. It is all kind of awash in the whirlwind of wedding planning. No rest for the weary. I can't wait for my honeymoon. I definitely need a vacation. I am starting to feel like everyone is mad at me. Paranoid? There is so much responsibility laid at my feet. And it shouldn't even be overwhelming. It just is. I hate doing the best I can and feeling like it isn't good enough. I also suck at dealing with change and marriage is a big one. I am getting a whole new name! Scary to wonder who you will be when people call you something different than what you have been called your whole life. My fiance is the best guy ever and he is perfect for me. If I wasn't sure about this decision I might get cold feet and call it all off. This is too much. Which is why I drink.
OMG, there is a commercial for an exercise dumbbell looking thing that shakes back and forth to "isometrically" work you out. It looks like jacking off. Good thing you can use it in the privacy of your own home.
I am wearing shorts for the first time in a decade. At least. I went shopping with mommers and she bought me swimsuits and shorts for my honeymoon. I think I feel guilty about all the money she is spending on my wedding. Especially since we are over budget. Argh! Why am I always plagued with feelings of guilt? My mom says that is a "being in your 20's" thing, but I don't know. As I near the end of my 20's it doesn't seem to be abating.
Usually alcohol makes me excited. Usually I drink when I am excited. Maybe alcohol doesn't create feelings that aren't there, but only serves to exacerbate the feelings already present. I am meeting a friend soon. God I hope he gets here quickly.